


Ladies' Night

by tklivory



Series: The Inn Between Loads [3]
Category: Deus Ex: Human Revolution, Discworld - Terry Pratchett, Dragon Age, Final Fantasy VII, Mass Effect, Shadow Hearts
Genre: Crossover, Humor, Parody, Sexual Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-26
Updated: 2012-12-26
Packaged: 2017-11-22 12:54:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/610039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tklivory/pseuds/tklivory
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>A/N: This is a story with very little plot. I just wanted to have a wee bit of fun with various parts of the video game universe, and a request was made that fit my nascent desire to be a bit silly with the Inn Between Loads.</p><p>Character List at the end. Enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote>





	Ladies' Night

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: This is a story with very little plot. I just wanted to have a wee bit of fun with various parts of the video game universe, and a request was made that fit my nascent desire to be a bit silly with the Inn Between Loads.
> 
> Character List at the end. Enjoy!

It was  _not_  a quiet night at the Inn Between Loads.

For one thing, the normal skeletal proprietor had once more handed his duties to his granddaughter, with the mild admonishment  _*Don't pour any more beer over the patrons.*_  Granted, this was advice that the temporary hostess took with a grain of salt, which, fortunately, was preferred over the large scythe she now carried prominently on her back.

Another reason she carried it may have been related to the fact that it had been declared  _Ladies' Night_  at the Inn Between Loads.

A particularly buxom brunette had marched in earlier that evening, followed by a tall reptilian fellow with a nasty scar on his face, burdened by a stack of large folded partitions on his back. Crisply she had ordered the fellow to arrange the partitions so that one half of the Inn was separated from the other by delicate pink rice paper in bamboo frames. When the large man had complained that she wasn't his Commander, the woman had only smiled and said, " _No, the Commander is_  mine."

And thus,  _Ladies' Night_  had been declared.

Now, all the men - and, let's be honest, the ratio of men to women in the worlds from which they came was certainly not equal - were stuffed into one side of the room, looking with alternating glances of sullenness, longing, and envy as woman after woman disappeared behind the pink barriers. The sales of ale and beer that night grew larger as the night progressed, as each giggle and whisper and laugh made the men want to simultaneously  _know what they were talking about_  and  _fear to know._

When the laughter was particularly loud, a blond man with spiky hair leaned over to a dark man who was, incongruously, wearing sunglasses, and whispered, "What's going on over there, Jensen?"

The man grinned, his perfectly pointed goatee flawless as always as his gaze never wavered from the spectacle that only he could see - at least, in silhouette. Though honestly, for their current activity, a silhouette was  _more_ than enough. "Something wonderful, Strife."

"Thanks," Cloud replied bitterly.  _Where's Rude when you need him? He said those glasses were practically ready…_

Adam didn't answer, engrossed in the goings-on on the other side of the fence.

Suddenly words were discernible from across the barrier, and all the men hushed as a woman's voice said clearly, "It won't get up!" A collective giggle arose among the women as the voice broke through the silence. There was the sound of clothes rustling before she added, "I think it's bent too far out of shape."

A throaty chuckle accompanied the next words as Miranda said, "It might be. John— well, it's just that last night, he might have bent it while we—" More giggles, followed by an exasperated sigh. "Look, just let me look at it." Another general sound of rustling as the men leaned forward on their seats. "There, see? No problem at all."

There was the sound of sudden panting, accompanied by a general licking of the lips - or mandibles, or beaks - on the outside. "Too… tight!" a high-pitched voice said. "Oh, this is worse than that time with Don Corneo!"

Adam couldn't help but notice Cloud's glower, but everyone else just became more interested.

"Now, now, you'll get used to it. Just keep breathing, and the tightness will slowly fade," Miranda suggested. "Here, let me try yours." Some more rustling as the men leaned forward yet some more, and then another collective of giggles and some laughter. "Well, this is unexpected."

"'Tis perfectly predictable," another voice pointed out. "One need only look at the bodies in question to notice whether 'twould be an adequate match or not."

"Thank you, Morrigan," Miranda replied coolly. "I think I figured that out. Hand me the bracers." Another few moments of clinking and rustling, and another round of giggles and snorts. "My goodness! Are they supposed to be this… clingy?"

Since her panting had lessened - apparently she  _had_  gotten used to whatever the sensation was that made her pant - Tifa answered, "Not down there, no. It appears that we are matched but in reverse."

"I can help you with that, darlin'," another woman offered, the hint of pirate in her tone. "From what I can see, I think I could take both of you on and come out on top."

The synchronized mandible-licking once again commenced in the masculine side of the hall.

"Ah, no, thank you, Isabela. I think we have enough data now to scientifically make the point or not." Another round of giggles.

"Oh, I think we should call in the judge now," Isabela said. "Can't have a contest without a real judge, now, can we?"

"Ah, ah— who?" TIfa managed, down to only a light panting now.

Finally a head poked around the end of the barrier, and the men could see a tantalizing view Miranda in a close-fitting sleeveless black leather vest as she scanned the suddenly disinterested men for someone in particular. "Perfect. Joachim!"

"Oh, goody!" The tall vampire stood up, his perfect physique gleaming golden in the candlelight. "I'm right here, darling! Let me help you!" As he disappeared behind the partition, he cried, "Oh, Master! A man's road is a _hard_  one!"

A shared sigh echoed through the remaining men, and they all raised their hands for a new drink as they were now forced to listen to the one man present allowed into the bevy of beauties - the man who was even now gushing about  _"that_ fabulous _Ezio Auditore, oh that_ accent _, darling!"_

It proved to be a long, long night.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Characters (in sorta by appearance order):
> 
> Susan Sto Helit (seen previously)  
> Miranda Lawson from Mass Effect  
> Urdnot Wrex from Mass Effect  
> Adam Jensen from Deus Ex: Human Revolution  
> Cloud Strife from Final Fantasy VII  
> Joachim Valentine from Shadow Hearts: Covenant
> 
> Voices of:
> 
> Tifa Lockhart from Final Fantasy VII  
> Morrigan from Dragon Age  
> Isabelafrom Dragon Age


End file.
